Video on marriage and disability

Ian and Larissa weren't even engaged when he suffered a debilitating accident. In this video, they tell why they decided to unite their lives.

This issue of Caring Right at Home

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• Supporting Spouse Caregivers
• Delirium Complicates Recovery for Senior Patients
• Caring for Senior Cancer Patients
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'via Blog this'

Robertson McQuilken repudiates Pat Robertson

See Pat Robertson repudiates the Gospel

Pat Robertson Repudiates the Gospel (one more time)

This week on his television show Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson said a man would be morally justified to divorce his wife with Alzheimer's disease in order to marry another woman. The dementia-riddled wife is, Robertson said, "not there" anymore. This is more than an embarrassment. This is more than cruelty. This is a repudiation of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

. . . Marriage, the Scripture tells us, is an icon of something deeper, more ancient, more mysterious. The marriage union is a sign, the Apostle Paul announces, of the mystery of Christ and his church (Eph. 5). The husband, then, is to love his wife "as Christ loved the church" (Eph. 5:25). This love is defined not as the hormonal surge of romance but as a self-sacrificial crucifixion of self. The husband pictures Christ when he loves his wife by giving himself up for her.

. . . A woman or a man with Alzheimer's can't do anything for you. There's no romance, no sex, no partnership, not even companionship. That's just the point. Because marriage is a Christ/church icon, a man loves his wife as his own flesh. He cannot sever her off from him simply because she isn't "useful" anymore.

Pat Robertson's cruel marriage statement is no anomaly. He and his cohorts have given us for years a prosperity gospel with more in common with an Asherah pole than a cross. They have given us a politicized Christianity that uses churches to "mobilize" voters rather than to stand prophetically outside the power structures as a witness for the gospel.

But Jesus didn't die for a Christian Coalition; he died for a church. And the church, across the ages, isn't significant because of her size or influence. She is weak, helpless, and spattered in blood. He is faithful to us anyway. Russell D. Moore, Christianity Today

Editor: See 700 Club footage here. He's right about one thing: He's no ethicist, and no theologian either. I hope this upsets Christians more than anything President Obama does.


In contrast, here's an exquisite example of caring: Robertson McQuilkin faced a similar situation two decades ago. He decided to step down and end his 22 year tenure as president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary. Instead, he helped care full-time for his wife Muriel. She died in 2003 after suffering for 25 years with the disease. During the last decade, Muriel could not recognize her husband caregiver. CT blog



Related:

• McQuilkin's own testimony from the CT archives, called "Living by Vows"
• "Love them to the last breath" - Life Matters issue relating to an AIDS hospice in South Africa. Christian love (let alone marital love) requires a lasting commitment.
• "Should Alzheimer's Be a Reason to Ditch Marriage Vows?" This is by a guy (Mitch Albom) who traveled weekly from Michigan to Massachusetts to be with a friend who had ALS.

Spousal caregiver resources

Alzheimer's Spouse (The)
Alzheimer Caregivers Online
American Self Help Clearinghouse
And Thou Shalt Honor
Caregiver Survival Institute
Caregiver Wellness
Caregivers Home Companion
Caregivingly Yours
Caring For the Caregiver
Geriatric Care Management
GoodGrief Lifecoaching
In Sickness and In Health: A Place for Couples Dealing with Illness [Blog]
Labyrinth of Caregiving - AARP & Gail Sheehy
National Org for Empowering Caregivers
Strength for Caring
The Thoughtful Caregiver
Kind Ethics.com

Don't miss out on early bird registration

Early bird discounts for the LIFT Caregiver Conference end September 30. Save $5!

'Sole caretaker' admits pushing wife, leading to her death

A man charged with killing his 70-year-old wife admitted pushing her down out of frustration that she wouldn't clean herself. The victim, Ella Comella, has suffered dementia for several years, and her 73-year-old husband, Agostino Comella, admitted to police that he had grown "increasingly frustrated being the sole caretaker and provider for his wife," according to an arrest warrant affidavit. WOOD TV

Coping With Your Spouse's MS Diagnosis

Living with MS will be different from your life before, but strategies for adjusting are plentiful. Everyday Health

Get to Know: The Well Spouse Association

The Well Spouse Association advocates for and addresses the needs of individuals caring for a chronically ill and/or disabled spouse/partner. We offer peer to peer support and educate health care professionals and the general public about the special challenges and unique issues "well" spouses face every day.

The Invisible Spousal Caregiver

Research has shown that of all family caregivers, the husband, wife or partner of a person with chronic illness or disability takes the longest to recognize that he/she is a family, or in this case, a spousal caregiver. Furthermore, men take longer than women to see that they have, usually unwittingly, signed on for this special role. That is one aspect of the “invisible” spousal caregiver. Moreover, if they can’t see themselves as being in that role, how can they also see that there is a need for support and respite for spousal caregivers? Care Pages

A substantial majority of Alzheimer's patients are cared for at home by family members; estimates range from two-thirds to 95 percent. This growing army of caregivers props up the nation's health care system with free labor, worth more than $100 billion a year, or more than twice the cost of nursing home and paid home care combined. But these largely invisible caregivers, who buttress the nation's health care system, pay a terrible price. The architecture of the family is turned upside down, turning children into parents and parents into children. Emotional bonds and financial resources are strained, even in the most resilient households. Caregivers get sick from the stress. NY Times

Spouses sometimes find themselves as caregivers

In hindsight, L.H. Wilson said the signs of his wife’s dementia were there. But when Imogene Wilson did not recognize their longtime friends during a trip to the beach, he knew without a doubt there was a problem. Finding Yourself a Spousal Caregiver

Tips On...Spousal Caregiving

When the loved one who a person is caring for is one’s spouse, there is often a lot of misunderstanding about what the role of “caregiver” is and what it means. Children do not often have any idea or inkling of how it affects both parents, and the parents often have a hard time understanding their children and their role. Often these misunderstandings can cause great strain between parents and adult children. Spousal Caregiving Tips

Know the Many Possible Causes of Memory Loss

Loss Although many people believe that memory loss is an early sign of Alzheimer's disease, studies show that more than 90% of those who complain about poor memory do not have Alzheimer's. So, if it is not Alzheimer's, what is it? Possible Causes of Memory Loss